SKITS #2

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Ravel
Banging out dents with Tyler
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Post by Ravel »

lidiacriss wrote:\
Carlisle: I miss my wig, and my music, THIS FAMILY OPPRESSES ME!!
Emse: shhh it's okay Carlisle
Carlisle: I'm not listening to you.....OPPRESSOR!
Rose: STOPP IT!!!!! SHUT UP EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
Edward: A little loud maybe rose
Rose: you are not exempted from my rules of silence!
Edward: Sorry\
Haha! That made me laugh so hard!

Manta

Post by Manta »

Carlisle: HOLY TONEDEF POPSTAR!! JAKEY KIDNAPPED HANNAH MONTANA
*her head pops outta the bag*
Emmett: SQUEE!!!!
Bella: although i am completely appalled by Jakey kidnapping a popstar....OMG I LOVE YOU HANNAH MONTANA!!!!

ok...I'll try to continue...
hannah:SECURITY!!!
*security comes over*
security:yes, miss montana?
hannah:is it not obvious? im in a bag and you dont know whats happening? my intellect seems to be wearing off on you. He's kidnapping me!!
security:whats's your name? *to jake*
jake: um.......mike newton
*The cullens, Bella, and Jake disappear back to the cullens' house with hannah montana*
edward:what! you brought a teen sensation to our house!
hannah:what's happening?
esme: um...guys?...maybe we should tell her...
rosalie:we can't
emmett: oh cmon, she knows all about living two lives
*emmett, carlisle, bella, and jake start singing:
hannah:can somebody please tell me what's happpening?!?
carlisle:ok.. we have a confesion....we are......
*meanwhile*
security: knock, knock, knock
*mike newton answers his front door*
mike:yes?
security: your under arrest young man

will carlisle tell hannah montana? what will happen with mike?
suspense......
ok....feel free to disreguard this post if its bad...im not the most creative person in the world....

Ravel
Banging out dents with Tyler
Posts: 350
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 11:16 pm
Location: Behind You!

Post by Ravel »

Hannah Montana: I'm not Hannah Montana! I'm Miley Cyrus! Y'all need to get yur facts straight before you put someone in a bag!
Jake: OMG! Can I, like, have your, like, autograph?
Hannah Montana: Like sure! You can have my photo too! *puts arm around Jake for photo* Saaaayy tone deaf!
Bella: You, uhhh...female dog! Get away from my sort-of-but-not-really-man-who's-actually-not-kindof-human-except-still-kindof-man!
Jake: I'm sorry Bella. I have moved onto bigger and better things. Miley, let's roll.
Hannah/Miley: I've got Stockholm Syndrome! Yay!
Both walk off (I think that we're only supposed to have Twilight characters, right? Don't worry, Sexy Jakey (see other thread) will return. Sometime...)
Emmet: Noooo! Come back Jamie! And Hannah! Both come back! I have nothing to kindof live for without either of you!
Carlisle: Didn't you hear the lady? She not Hannah Montana! She's Miley Cyrus!
Emmett: Oh yeah...Jamie, don't leave me with these boring people and the hybrid verson of Helen of Troy and the Wicked Witch of the West! I want my walrus friend back!
Bella: Hey, Emmett...
Emmett: What do you people want from meee????!!!!
Bella: I think crossbreed girl has got a new dress in banana yellow...
Emmett: Rosalie's a banana?! Hooray! I'm coming my love!
Carlisle: Soooo, what now?
Bella: *think for a second* We could play soccer... (football?)
Carlisle: OK then...let's go to Brazil!
Bella: Why?
Carlisle: Because I have my salsa lessons there and I need a partner who won't show me up too much. Hurry, they start in a hour!

Edward: Well, what do we do now?
Alice: Well, we could theorise the meaning of life...
Edward: It's 42. I checked it very thoroughly.
Alice: No, it's 54.
Edward: However you say it, 6 by 9 is 42
Alice: 54 you mean
Edward: Whatever...
Esme: We haven't been to Norway in a while..
Jasper: Mmmm'that's where I bought knifey! :cry:
Rosalie slaps around the back of the head
Rosalie: GET OVER IT YOU SCUM SUCKING PANDA SHAGGING LUMP OF COAL! WE HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS HERE SO EITHER YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUr HUNK OF METAL OR SHIP OUT! DO YOU HEAR ME?
Everyone: :shock:
Alice: *clears throat* As I was saying, 54!
Edward: 42!
Rosalie: *growling and rocking backwards and forwards*
Jasper: ' *bursts into tears*
Alice: We pulled Scrabble rocks out of a bag and it said, and I quote "what do you get when you times 6 by 9?" 54!
Edward: Well'42's better.
Alice: Is not! *Both put foreheads toether and growl*
Rosalie: *takes shuddery breath* 1, 2, 3-
Emmett: Rosalie! Where's your banana dress?! :D
Rosalie: YOU MESSED UP MY CONCENTRATION YOU BALL CRUSHING, TWEENY OBSSESSING, GOAT *****! :evil: :evil: :evil: *goes in a ball and starts rocking again* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-
Emmett: All I said was- *esme puts hand over mouth*
Esme: Erm, Emmett, do you want to go to Water World?
Emmett: Yes!
Both get in the car and drive off
Edward: For-ty Two!
Alice: 54!
Jasper: I'm alone now. Nobody loves me. Everything is terrible. I know so many things and they're worth nothing. We're all doomed a depressing meaningless life. I wish I could die.
Rosalie: OK! All better! Who wants to bake cookies? (ahhh, Edward's party yesterday coming back strongly. Don't read anything into this!)
Runs off to the kitchen (ahhh! VMT thread! Ahhh!!)
Edward: 42!


Yes, I used some very strong language in there. I really wanted to convey Rosalie's utmost anger at everything. If it offended you, please PM me and I promise not to come on here for week. I really hope no one was offended. Really really hope. If anyone gets grounded for reading this or something, I will do the time with youby not going on this SKITS page. That is how much I hope I didn't do anything wrong.

Carlisle and Bella are in Brazil, Esme and Emmett are in Waterworld, Jasper has become Marvin the Paranoid Android out of Hitchikers, and Alice and Edward are debating (contradicting each other?) the meaning of life. Anyone guess which books I've read lately?
Well, that's me done. I'm going to watch all 37 episodes of Death Note now. Bye!

EDIT: Ack! Sorry I kind of didn't see your post Manta! This took alot of time and I didn't notice your post popping up! Sorry!

Edwarded
Learning to Love Green
Posts: 94
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:52 pm
Location: South of France

Post by Edwarded »

I love your skits, girls ! And maybe I'm going to shock you but I've never listen any Hannah Montana song (although I kind of know what she is) ^^


-- In the kitchen --

Rosalie, Alice and Edward are baking cookies under the depressed eye of Jasper. Everything seems to be okay when...

Edward: *gasp*
Alice: What ? *concentrate* oh my God, no !
Rosalie: What, what's happening ?
Jasper (depressed tone): Life is happening... it's long and cruel... hard... and sad... Omg, I want to die... I know you won't miss me Alice. *begin to cut his veins with a spoon*
Edward: Our cookies smell too good ! And He smelt them...
Rosalie: He ?
Alice: The Mighty Hairy Cookie Baker ! JAMES !
Edward: Fortunately, Bella is in Brazil... We'll just have to give him some cookies and he will leave us...
Alice: No Edward. We... I... I made a mistake... I never told you but... this is me, the one who stole the copyrighted James' cookie recipe... He recognizes it by the scent... He comes to destroy us !


WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT ?!
Being a Twilighter is the greatest thing in a human life but this is also a dangerous post: each day, heart attacks have to be avoided. Each day, you have to remember to breath. And each day, you have to prevent yourself from jumping of a cliff in the hope of hearing someone's voice.

aribella_marie_swan
Jump Starting Bella's Truck
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Location: following jake through canada...
Contact:

Post by aribella_marie_swan »

Ravel wrote:
"Rosalie: OK! All better! Who wants to bake cookies? (ahhh, Edward's party yesterday coming back strongly. Don't read anything into this!)
Runs off to the kitchen (ahhh! VMT thread! Ahhh!!) "

hahaha! i loved that! the VMT lol!!!!!!!!!! good one! okay sorry had to comment on that lol!
~BELLA~

ME AND JASPER AND KNIFEE! OH THE EMO FUN WE'LL HAVE!!!!!

Ashley:We will totally kick arse!
Jackson:I dont know....they've got brooms. rotf!

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. "You truly are one frightening little monster."

lidiacriss
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Post by lidiacriss »

Edward: you can copyright a cookie recipe?
Alice: apparently!
Rosalie: well that sucks
Edward: uh..rose aren't you supposed to be like ready to kill someone right now?
Rosalie: Of course not! I am done with anger
Alice and Edward: ha ha ha ha
Rosalie: WILL NO ONE LISTEN TO ME IN THIS STUPID HOUSE!!!!!!!!! *sobs* no..one..loves me
Jasper: me too!
Alice: uh oh
Edward: oh no
Rosalie: WILL SOME ONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? OR DO YOU HATE ME ENOUGH TO HAVE ME DIE!!!!!!!
Jasper: wow!
Alice: of course not

*James enters*

James: Is that my cookie recipe I smell/!?!?! :x
Edward: cookies? what cookies? we don't eat cookies...we're on diets....ya diets
Alice: It's not working Edward
Edward: oh.........right
Rosalie: didn't we kill you in the last thread?
James: ya more than once I think
Rosalie: DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME!!!!!!! FIRST THESE COOKIE FIENDS, NOW YOU TOO!!!!! THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS ME, ALL OTHER'S SHALL DIE!!!!!!!!! :twisted:
Edward: *cowers* and I understand you right?
Rosalie: No of course not, I was talking about Mike you retard
James: figgy?
Rosalie: I WANT MY SILENCE AGAIN, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!
James: I'm supposed to be the evil one here
Rosalie: frankly I don't really care
Jasper: *rocking back and forth* I don't like figgy, too happy, too happy... no darkness...no knifey or knifee
Alice: Jasper, stop that! Rosalie calm down! Edward *looks at Edward cowering in the corner* grow up!And James.....Just leave
James: this family is crazeee, i thinks Im going to leave now, you messed up the cookies anyway, too much sugar, or maybe vanilla

*meanwhile at water world*
Emmett: Whhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Esme: look.......ooohhh..........big slide!!!1
Emmett: *squeals* Omigod omigod Esme, we has to go on that
Esme: come on!! wait.....crap!
Emmett: what
Esme: um that one girl......the redhead..... VICTORIA!!!!
Emmett: Its okay, I'm not scared of her
Esme: why not
Emmett: well duh, I went to jedi camp
esme: no you didn't
Emmett: uh yes i did!
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WinniePony
Teaching Eric Social Graces
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Location: sunny L.A.---*sighs*

Post by WinniePony »

Lol, you guys are awesome!

*In Brazil...*
Carlisle: No Bella, it's 1,2, 1,2,3
Bella: But one doesn't come after 2! Why isn't it 1,2 3,4,5???
Carlisle: Because dancers can't count! Just do it!
Bella: No. Miss Eckhart told me 3 comes after 2!
Carlisle: Who?
Bella: My kindergarten teacher...she's a genius. *sighs wistfully*
Carlisle: Okay...why don't we try some soccer?
Bella: As long as 3 comes after 2!

*at Waterworld...*
Esme: Emmett! You can't go fight Victoria!
Emmett: But there's 2 of us, 1 of her, and I have my jedi training to guide me! I CAN USE THE FORCE!
Esme: No! I'm not letting you fight her!
Emmett: *sticks out tongue* Just try and stop me!
*Emmett runs off after Victoria*
Esme: ****!
*Esme runs after Emmett*
Victoria: Muahahahahahahaha! :twisted: FEAR ME PUNY TOURISTS!
Emmett: Muahahahahaha! Hey that was fun...FEAR ME PUNY VICTORIA!
Esme: Emmett! Get back here! Do you want a time out young man??!!
Emmett:*whimpers* Not a time out!
Esme: I'm counting! ONNNNNNNNNNNE
Emmett: But I want to killllllllllll!
Esme: TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO
Emmett: But...!
Esme: THREE! *grabs Emmmett's ear and tows him over to bench*
Emmett: Owie!
Esme: Now you can just sit and think about what you've done.
Emmett: *sulking* Fine.

Not my best, but whatever. Continue?
Some things exist whether you believe in them or not.

To live you must give your life away.

lidiacriss
Jump Starting Bella's Truck
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:57 pm
Location: trying to wash the stupid glittery nailpolish off of my foot........ now I sparkle in the sun!

Post by lidiacriss »

*back in brazil*
Bella: owwwwwww!!!!!
Carlisle: ooooohhhhh, that look like it hurt
Bella: owwwwww!
Carlisle: hmm.... brazil just isn't working for you is it?
Bella: not really, I know, let's go to PARAGUAY!
Carlisle: okay! that sounds fun!
Bella: they eat cow tongues there
Carlisle: sweet!
Bella: I know
*poof off to go to Paraguay*
*back at water world*
Emmett: Mother, this is so unfair, I'm protecting innocent tourists!
Esme: think about what you've done
Emmett: okay I've thought, will you let me go now?
Esme: okay
Emmett: slaughter time!!!!!
little kid one: :shock:
little kid two: awesome
Emmett: Victoria's going down!!!
Esme: Emmett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmett: ha! ha! you're not my mommy, I don't have to listen to you!
Esme: emmett!!!
Emmett: *puts fingers in his ears* la la la la la I can't hear you
Victoria: come now little ones, bask in my evilness
little kid one: eeevvvvvviiiiiiiiillllllllllll
little kid two: We are Victoria's minions!
Emmett: don't corrupt the little kiddies!!!!
Victoria: shut up!!!
Emmett: make me
Victoria: fine
Esme: STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Victoria and Emmett: you're not my mommy!
*victoria and emmett start to fight*
little kid one: wow!
Little kid two: this is so...............AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little kid one: totally................AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
*back at the Cullens house*
Alice: yay! we scared James away!!!
Rosalie: *on phone* mikey, ya, I think we should start up ROKE again.....NO LISTEN TO ME!!!!!
Edward: can we eat the cookies already
Jasper: don't eat the cookies.....internal struggling good.....knifey good..............cookies bad......happy bad
Alice: Jasper! you are happy, not sad
Jasper: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Happy!!!! *sobbing* no...no.. hwy has it come to this
Edward: slap him
ALice: ok *slaps Jasper*
Rosalie: *still on phone* no....... we are not changing the name from ROKE to Figgy's Awesome Tasty Turbulent Enlightening Neon Incredible Neon Garments of FATTENING for short, not going to happen........NO I SAID IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN * hangs up phone* NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Edwarded
Learning to Love Green
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Post by Edwarded »

Edward: Rosalie, have you ever imagined that it could be because you're not polite enough ?
Alice: Yes, you could say "please" and "thanks"... It always make people happy.
Jasper: Happiness, happiness... what a old-fashioned crap...
Edward: Oh, because you think being a depressed emo is the new trend ?
Jasper: Yes... Omg, so I'm trendy ? Hey, Alice, now you can have a reason to be proud to be my girlfriend !
Alice: Shut up young one, I'll never be proud of you ! You're the shame of this family and the biggest failure in my life, remember this. But those cookies... really, they aren't failed at all... Want to taste, Rosalie ?
Rosalie: Mmh... No because if I do, I'll have to puke it after... I don't want to look bulimic. But... thanks anyway.
Alice & Edward: Can you repeat ?!
Rosalie: Thanks anyway ?
Edward: Amazing. Alice, you're so persuasive ! You can even make Rosalie polite !
Alice: I know, right ? The only one who resists to my newly-discovered power is the one with a floorcloth on the head. This boy just can't listen to me if I don't use violence. Jasper, stop trying to cut yourself with this spoon, sweetheart... JASPER DROP IT OR I'M GOING TO HELP YOU WITH IT AND IT WILL HURT !!
Jasper: Oh yes, yes, please master Alice, hurt me !
Edward & Rosalie: O_o
Alice: It's not what you think.
Rosalie: Well, guys, I have to go, I have to pay Mikey's guarantee because he has been arrested for kidnapping. What a stupid one. Could you please call Esme and ask her to bring back Emmet here ? I don't want him to be too tired, I need him tonight.
*Rosalie leaves*


=)
PS: can someone tell me a bit about the Knifey thing ? I've heard of it on the VMT thread but I really don't want to read all the posts to know what is about. And what does "figgy" means ? And why does Emmet loves bananas so much ?
Being a Twilighter is the greatest thing in a human life but this is also a dangerous post: each day, heart attacks have to be avoided. Each day, you have to remember to breath. And each day, you have to prevent yourself from jumping of a cliff in the hope of hearing someone's voice.

lidiacriss
Jump Starting Bella's Truck
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:57 pm
Location: trying to wash the stupid glittery nailpolish off of my foot........ now I sparkle in the sun!

Post by lidiacriss »

=)
PS: can someone tell me a bit about the Knifey thing ? I've heard of it on the VMT thread but I really don't want to read all the posts to know what is about. And what does "figgy" means ? And why does Emmet loves bananas so much ?

[/quote]
knifey is Jasper's old knife that he used for cutting himself, or attempting to anyway. figgy is what some people call mike, like fig newton, get it? it's pretty bad. I'm not sure why Emmett's obsessed with bananas, it happened before I started doing skits.
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